Friday, 10 March 2017

Complete Recovery

I remember when I was first diagnosed with OCD in 2014, I immediately set out to learn as much as I could about the monster that was plaguing my brain.
I saw that with a lot of persistent and hard work, you can in time, learn to manage your OCD and possibly become free of it.
a person with OCD can learn to manage symptoms so that they won’t interfere with daily functioning.“
it is also possible, with the right support and treatment to achieve a complete recovery from OCD.“
Information from ocduk

Within a few months of being diagnosed I received some C.B.T.
I did quite well. My main issues were with checking and I managed in some instances to get them to a more manageable level.
After I had finished C.B.T, I slipped backwards rather quickly and to a far worse degree.
In the years that have followed I have hit rock bottom, resulting in me not wanting to get better or even feeling like I can.

When I had a bit of a breakthrough last year, it provided me with a whole new way of thinking about my situation.
It lead to me accepting that I can get better and more importantly, that I want to.
I have spent a lot of the last 10 months learning to accept my mental health for what it is.
Coming to the conclusion that if this is my life forever, that is okay.
I have a great life and as long as I am trying, I'm happy.
I have settled on this being how I will always live. It's what my life is and I'm alright with that.

Well, I came to a very positive, overwhelming and scary realization last year.
While the above is all still true, it's not enough.
I don't want this to be my life.
Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful for everything and everyone that I am blessed to have in it but... I want more.
It's not just about me, I don't think that anyone should have to live like this.

And then I remembered: you can recover completely.
I can recover completely?
Is that an option?
I have been living in a limbo of where I was (not feeling I can get better) and how I am living now (trying to question my OCD)
that I had almost forgotten that there is a third option.
Complete recovery.

I don't do things by halves.
I'm either all in or not at all.
Whether it be cake or a relationship, it's all or nothing. No half measures.
So why have I been treating my mental health any differently?
I don't want to be going through all this effort and hard work to be living this exact life in 20 years.

I am going to aim for full recovery.
I know it can be done.
I have been following Ash on Twitter for years now and his story is truly inspiring.
He is currently 12 years free of OCD :')

I am on the path to believing in myself enough to know that I can beat this.
That this illness will take no more of my life away from me.
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If you enjoyed this post, you may like this one :
THE BREAKUP
Ending my toxic relationship with myself

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