This part of my story has been a long time coming.
Kind of like when someone's got their hand on a door knob and then pause for what feels like forever before entering whatever lies behind the door.
You want to know what's there. It feels like an eternity has gone by and you still don't know what lies beyond that door.
You have your guesses, you can imagine what wondrous things may be there.
For years my hand has been resting on that handle.
Almost as though it doesn't belong to me. Like I haven't had the power to move it, to turn the handle and peek around the door or better yet, step inside.
What if I fail at whatever lies behind that door?
I have been too afraid. Have felt too weak.
Not strong enough to tackle my own thoughts, doubts and feelings of being unworthy of a better existence.
That is until now.
This is the beginning of my fresh start. That doesn't mean I'm going on a diet, changing my hair do and getting a whole new wardrobe.
No no no I mean a proper fresh start.
I want to find myself again.
Treat myself with the love, respect and acceptance that I (and everyone else) deserves.
I have stopped looking after myself to the point that I have completely lost who I am.
All of the passion and drive in my life has disappeared. I have lost all care for myself.
I want to create a relationship with myself so strong that it will never waver again.
I want to love myself. I want to be still. I want to be happy again.
I have turned the door knob.
I am looking inside...
I am in awe of what a beautiful sight I am seeing.
This can all be mine.
This can be my life.
All I need to do is let go. Step inside.
Here I go...